The New Year

It's strange...thinking about the "new" year. It doesn't seem any different than 2014. I guess we need a way to mark time and thinking about a new year gives people a time to think about change. I have given up on making resolutions. I never keep them. If I can't get up each day and think that I will make it the best I can, what good is making a resolution based on some arbitrary marker of time?

On New Year's Eve Neal and I drove up to Steve and Penny Kilby's house in Mouth of Wilson, VA for for their annual party. Neal had been once a few years ago but I never have. Steve and Penny came to visit us in Ocracoke this past summer and I have gotten to know them better so I really wanted to go to the party. It was fun, although it would have been more fun if we played music. I keep saying that I want to get back into it and one day I will. (Is that a resolution?) The most fun we had out of the entire evening was listening to Wayne Henderson picking with some young musicians; fiddlers Kitty Amaral and Mary Shumway and a phenomenal 10 year old guitar player named Presley Barker. What talent and dedication to music those young kids have and what a pleasure it was to hear them play!

On New Year's Day we went to Bob and Rachel's house for their annual get together. Their son Ben wasn't there, having flown to Seattle to visit family. I wanted to see if he had changed after a semester away at college (Columbia) and a newly acquired girlfriend! We had a nice time visiting with Tom and Marianne, Steve and Molly, Nancy and Bob's friend Coleman. We left about 4:00 b/c Neal wanted to come home and hunt, Jan. 1 being the last day of deer season.

I thought about taking down the Christmas decorations but I am enjoying the air of coziness they give to the house so I'll save that till next week. I finished the quilt that I made for Kathy Perez's baby Gael. I may embroider his name on it....not sure. I cut out a dress to make for our 2 year old Ocracoke neighbor Camryn. I am enjoying having time to sew! I have fabric for Roman shades for my kitchen and another outfit for Josephine. I remember sewing when Rachel was a baby....she would just play on the floor while I sewed at the kitchen table and I could talk to her while I was working. Happy times.

I guess if I have made any kind of a resolution for the new year it is to waste less. I have been trying to throw out as little food as possible, even if it means eating leftovers far after my interest in them has faded! We spend a lot of money on food and I don't want to waste it. I might as well be throwing money away.

I am also trying to rid myself of some of the things I no longer need. I have a collection of Polish pottery....I love it....but I don't need it and I am going to sell it. I have gotten it all out of the cabinet, sorted it by pattern and measured each piece. I will list it on Ebay and since I gave my postage scale to Sarah, I ordered a new one this morning. My old one wasn't really adequate for my needs so this new one should do nicely. Quite often when I want to get rid of stuff I just give it away but I am going to sell the pottery....now that I am retired I can use the money!

Lots to do and it won't get done as long as I am on the computer. Happy New Year.

New Year's Eve

I neglected to post last night, New Year's Eve Eve. We traveled back from Ocracoke and Neal wanted to stop and eat at Cracker Barrel. He really wanted to stop and eat there! Normally when I am traveling home from the 1:30 ferry to Swan Quarter, I go through a drive-in b/c it takes me till 8:30 or 9:00 and I get tired driving. But, as I said, he really, really wanted to eat at Cracker Barrel; it just seemed so important to him, so we did stopped at Rocky Mount. I had chicken and dumplings (or as it should have been called, a small amount of chicken with hard hunks of dough), carrots and turnip greens. I love greens. I really love them. But not at Cracker Barrel. I don't know what they do to them, other than putting what looks like some country ham in them, but I almost immediately got heartburn. It's roughly a 2 1/2 hour or less home from Rocky Mount so I drove the rest of the way in intense discomfort.

Cracker Barrel is just a very interesting place. It's the kind of place to go when you want a large quantity of filling food without spending a lot of money. Oh, and you have to listen to country music. The only good thing about Cracker Barrel is that they have a wood-burning fireplace for cold weather but we weren't anywhere near it. As we were leaving, Neal said "That was good." I replied, "No, it wasn't good. It was edible; there is a difference."

So home now, posting with a cat on my lap. We are going to Steve and Penny Kilby's house in Mouth of Wilson, VA for a New Year's Eve party tonight but right now I am going to Waffle House, courtesy of Daughter #3 who has a craving. Let's hope the food is better than Cracker Barrel.

I Am So Lazy

How lazy am I? Soooo lazy! I didn't do much of anything today but I really enjoyed doing nothing. Well, I hung some pictures and cooked dinner. I took a shower and dried my hair. And I read a book. Otherwise, that's it. Nada.

It was gray and partly rainy today and I love days like this! In the afternoon I decided to install myself in our little sunroom so I turned on the equally little heater and it got so cozy and pleasant that I pretty much stayed there for the rest of the day.

Tomorrow we have to leave for home. I always hate leaving and this has been a super short visit so I am not ready to leave but we have plans for New Year's. Tomorrow morning I'll put my few Christmas decorations away...there is a space under the eaves with an access door from the cupola. I am going to put my entire tree in there, decorated. It's just a little tree...and it is decorated with shells that I found on the beach. Except for the starfish top....I bought that at The Pirate's Chest. And then it will be so long Ocracoke (till later in January) and so long Christmas in Ocracoke, till next year.

Sunday, Sunday

Technology is great, technology is terrible! I was halfway through typing my entry when I tried to insert a picture. The window for inserting the picture wasn't opening so I clicked on the "back" arrow and found myself exiting the blog post I had just written...NO auto-save here! Of course, I don't feel like rewriting what I already wrote so I am going to condense it. (So after I wrote and published this version, I find that there is a draft saved. Ugh...will I ever learn!)

• Didn't go to church, went to the beach instead.
• Picked up a few shells and a grocery bag of trash. People, throw your trash AWAY!! What goes on the ground finds it's way to the ocean.
• Sat on the dunes and watched an amazing performance of hundreds of cormorants flying in a line, making loops and swooping up and down over the ocean.
• Went to Variety store; saw Janie T. and Kati W. Chatted. Shopped for t-shirts which are 40% off right now! Oh, and bought a few groceries too.
• Realized I only had 1/2  hour to get to the quilting group. Ate very quickly and made it more or less on time.
• Phyllis W. came by to see the quilt she had commissioned for her granddaughter...it is a log cabin pattern in pinks and grays...lovely. We basted a section of the quilt for the OPS Museum raffle. It is going to be beautiful and very unique!
• Neal and I went to the Schramel's open house. The food (seafood gumbo, duck gumbo, salad, bread, cheese) was incredible. Stayed for a while and talked to several people. What a lovely, wonderful event!
• Watched the movie "Mud" with Matthew McConaughey. It was very good.

Now Neal has gone to bed and I am typing this. The first, lost version was better. But this gets the job done. And here is a picture of the lovely quilt for Phyllis' granddaughter.

Christmas Time, Again

Curious that I seem to post around Christmas. Maybe it is a more introspective time. I don't know.

I am writing from Ocracoke Island, NC. Two years and three months, minus one day, we bought a house here. It is a sweet little cottage on the edge of a marsh on a fairly busy road but still relatively private due to the trees in our tiny front yard. It has been my dream for many years to live here and now that I am retired (5 months and 26 days) I can spend more time here. If my family lived here too, I'd probably never go back to Thomasville. (Except that Thomasville is much closer to the Ikea store.....)

So today is the annual Oyster Roast on Ocracoke Island, a fundraiser for the Working Waterman's Association. The parking lot at the fish house is cleared out, tables set up and people crowd in to eat their fill of fish stew, steamed shrimp and oysters. And today is lovely weather, blue skies, no wind and the temperature in the low 50's.

After we eat our fill of stew, shrimp and oysters, Neal and I will stroll over to the Community Square where dessert and hot cider is being served in the Waterman's Exhibit building. They usually have a little fire going in the stove and it's wonderful to soak in the warmth along with the warmth of community and friendship. Pictures later!

Ok, so it's later...here are pictures of the Oyster Roast followed by hot cider and dessert.

Seven Months and Sixteen Days

Seven months and sixteen days...that is how long it has been since my mother's death. I still want to pick up the phone and call her about the silliest things that I have heard on the news. I still think how much she would like to travel here or there when I hear about a place I know she would like. But mostly I just want to hug her.

When I think of my mom it is with a very real tactile sensation. At first she wasn't much of a hugger but I was. As a child and young person I would hang on her so I guess she eventually got used to it. As an adult she was very much of a huggy person and whenever I left her it was never without a hug. And when I hugged her I tried to memorize how she felt, as if I were trying to imprint her shape onto my own. And that is what I think of when I think of her; a physical remembrance of how she felt.

My therapist said that it takes a year before it doesn't hurt so much and with time the hurt is not so keen or so shocking. But the other night I heard our dog barking and my first thought was that it was mom's dog and then quickly the realization that my mother was gone. And the realization that the wound, though healing, is still terribly raw.

And So On

I know I am a terrible blogger. It's a good thing I'm not trying to cultivate followers b/c I'd never have any. No one would wait a year between posts.

My life has been full of struggles over the last few years but I think I have turned a corner. I feel hopeful somehow and like I am climbing back up from this pit.

My mother has passed away and this has been one of the saddest events of my life so far. I miss her so much. When I think about her, I always think of how she felt when I hugged her. She was soft and squeezable and it is that physical, tactile feel that I have when I think of her.

Can I say how glad I am that I had her for my nearly 60 years? I am grateful for the time I spent with her and grateful for the trips we took together. I have satisfaction knowing that I made some of her wishes come true.

So I have been working through my grief . I have gone through the shock (although there are times I still can't believe she is gone), anger, sadness, etc. and now I think I am moving into the acceptance part. I have just been so sad for so long and now I feel that lifting.

And good things are happening. Anne is graduating on May 11. She has struggled and her victory encourages me. Sarah is graduating on May 11 as well and moving to Greensboro. Rachel seems to be getting along well after a difficult period of time. Neal is Neal. But that is ok.

I like where I work and am thankful for the job and even though it is very stressful right now I feel as if I have risen above it. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and I just hope it isn't a train.