And So On

I know I am a terrible blogger. It's a good thing I'm not trying to cultivate followers b/c I'd never have any. No one would wait a year between posts.

My life has been full of struggles over the last few years but I think I have turned a corner. I feel hopeful somehow and like I am climbing back up from this pit.

My mother has passed away and this has been one of the saddest events of my life so far. I miss her so much. When I think about her, I always think of how she felt when I hugged her. She was soft and squeezable and it is that physical, tactile feel that I have when I think of her.

Can I say how glad I am that I had her for my nearly 60 years? I am grateful for the time I spent with her and grateful for the trips we took together. I have satisfaction knowing that I made some of her wishes come true.

So I have been working through my grief . I have gone through the shock (although there are times I still can't believe she is gone), anger, sadness, etc. and now I think I am moving into the acceptance part. I have just been so sad for so long and now I feel that lifting.

And good things are happening. Anne is graduating on May 11. She has struggled and her victory encourages me. Sarah is graduating on May 11 as well and moving to Greensboro. Rachel seems to be getting along well after a difficult period of time. Neal is Neal. But that is ok.

I like where I work and am thankful for the job and even though it is very stressful right now I feel as if I have risen above it. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and I just hope it isn't a train.

A New Year, Again

Since my post last fall I have had shoulder surgery for tears in my rotator cuff and bicep tendons and also to remove bone spurs.

I always thought of bone spurs as something that looked like a spur but when I saw the pictures of my surgery, I realized it is a term for nothing more than extra bone where it shouldn't be. So, I am recovering from the surgery and I am at the end of week 3 from 4 weeks off from work.

I can't drive yet and I can't lift my arm, which means I can't do much of anything other than read, be on the computer or watch tv. If I go out anywhere I have to wear my sling to keep me from accidentally trying to use my arm.

I go back to the doctor next Friday, Feb. 3. I am scheduled to return to work on the 6th, so I hope he tells me it's ok to drive. Otherwise someone will have to come pick me up each day.

So, I guess I will go indulge in my favorite past-time...taking a hot bath. Also one of the few things I am allowed to do and since I have a lovely new bathroom in which to bathe, it is a true pleasure.

Can I Come Back?

Can I come back to posting on this blog, that is. I started out with good intentions and fizzled out badly. Or pretty well, depending on how you look at it.

In this last year, both of my in-laws have passed away, Neal started a new job, Sarah had a terrible wreck and was in the hospital for 2 1/2 weeks, Rachel was in the hospital and Neal had surgery for a blocked carotid artery and then had a mild stroke when the artery became blocked.

So, it's been quite a year.

Now I'm back at work and my class is quite a challenge. Out of my 14 current students, 7 seem to have never had to follow a rule. Ever. But, we are seeing improvements.

Sarah has gone to Atlanta to go to grad school at Georgia State University and Anne has moved over to Mocksville. Tonight they were both here and I joined them for dinner at Elizabeth's Pizza. It was nice to spend some time with them.

I went to the orthopedic doctor today b/c I am having problems with my shoulders, so I am scheduled for an MRI next week.

That's about it for now. I think I'll go to bed. And maybe write again. Sometime.

Time Flies

Time just doesn't fly when you are having fun, it just flies. Now it is December, 17 days away from Christmas.

I have no decorations up, no tree up, nothing to indicate it is nearly Christmas except the wrapped gifts on the buffet in the dining room.

I have been busy at work, busy at home, just busy. Although I did get to go shopping at Ikea on Saturday which is like heaven for me. I love being there. I think I'd just like to move in, kind of like that movie where Natalie Portman's character lived in Walmart.

Sarah's bathroom, the project I started in July, is still not finished. Once I get home from work it seems impossible to complete much of anything. For one thing, when I get home from work I usually have more work to do.

Quick update on events: on July 23, on the way to David's and Melissa's house, I rear ended a car on I95 outside of Baltimore and totaled my dear little Subaru. So, no more Rufusmobile...after 230,000 + miles and 12 1/2 years. No one was hurt....I have to keep telling myself that that is the important part.

So, I was car-less until mid September, after Neal got a job. Now I have a Toyota Highlander. I love it, in theory, but I still pine for my Subaru.

On Sept. 29, on her way to school during a horrid rainstorm, Sarah hydroplaned and ran off of I85. She went down an embankment and wrapped around a tree. She broke her left femur and had other minor and not so minor fractures. More about the accident later, but the good news with that is that two months later, she was walking again without even a cane and hardly a limp.

We have had a lot to be thankful for this holiday season.

Hospice

My mother-in-law has been in Hospice House for a week and a day now. She needs more care than she can get at home. I don't know how much longer she will live, but hopefully at least till Sunday morning, till Rachel can get home from Africa and see her.

Today I went to see her and took some decaf tea I made. While I was sitting there, she said "When I wake up in the morning, I think I am in my usual setting and then I remember where I am."

I almost cried over that. Just to think of how she must feel. I'm sure she knows she'll never go home again. She asked me today if her house was clean.

I'm glad I have had extra time to give to them while she has been there. She said I am a good nurse.

Mother-In-Law

I went to visit my mother-in-law today. She actually seemed to be doing pretty well. Jane had put a foam pad under her couch cushions to raise the level of the couch and she can actually stand up from the couch now.

Hospice is coming in and bringing supplies and providing some services. A lady came today and gave her a bath and the nurse will come tomorrow. The CNA will come three days a week and the nurse two days, I believe.

We helped her with some chores she needed done and she had us go through some photos and pick some out that we wanted. She had gone through pictures and had pictures of the family up in the den and she was very pleased with them.

Abandoned

Well, it seems I have totally abandoned this blog...

I was so busy prior to leaving on vacation, then didn't post while on Ocracoke. I came back two days ago, but have been pretty worn out.

So, a little update:

• Ocracoke was great, as always, but the weather wasn't so wonderful: gale force winds much of the time and torrential rain a couple of days. Most of the time it was impossible to go on the beach without feeling like you were getting sandblasted and the simplest task, like lighting the stove for coffee was a challenge. The old tent couldn't hold up under the rain and wind so we got a replacement tent at Walmart. We still managed to have fun, but it was not the restful and refreshing time we needed.
• Neal's mom is now out of the hospital and at home with Hospice care and someone who stays during the night. So, she doesn't have a lot of time left. I don't know how Daddy Joe will manage. He will want to stay in his home but he'll have to have someone with him.
• We leave tomorrow to go to David and Melissa's house. I realize that we may have to cut the trip short depending on Becky's condition. But hopefully she will live a while longer. I know Rachel will be very sad if she passes away before she gets home mid August.

I guess that is it, except for the break-up of a marriage in our family, which I won't say who. Even though no one reads this, it is public and the party involved doesn't want the news spread around just yet. So, mum's the word.