Sunday, Sunday

Technology is great, technology is terrible! I was halfway through typing my entry when I tried to insert a picture. The window for inserting the picture wasn't opening so I clicked on the "back" arrow and found myself exiting the blog post I had just written...NO auto-save here! Of course, I don't feel like rewriting what I already wrote so I am going to condense it. (So after I wrote and published this version, I find that there is a draft saved. Ugh...will I ever learn!)

• Didn't go to church, went to the beach instead.
• Picked up a few shells and a grocery bag of trash. People, throw your trash AWAY!! What goes on the ground finds it's way to the ocean.
• Sat on the dunes and watched an amazing performance of hundreds of cormorants flying in a line, making loops and swooping up and down over the ocean.
• Went to Variety store; saw Janie T. and Kati W. Chatted. Shopped for t-shirts which are 40% off right now! Oh, and bought a few groceries too.
• Realized I only had 1/2  hour to get to the quilting group. Ate very quickly and made it more or less on time.
• Phyllis W. came by to see the quilt she had commissioned for her granddaughter...it is a log cabin pattern in pinks and grays...lovely. We basted a section of the quilt for the OPS Museum raffle. It is going to be beautiful and very unique!
• Neal and I went to the Schramel's open house. The food (seafood gumbo, duck gumbo, salad, bread, cheese) was incredible. Stayed for a while and talked to several people. What a lovely, wonderful event!
• Watched the movie "Mud" with Matthew McConaughey. It was very good.

Now Neal has gone to bed and I am typing this. The first, lost version was better. But this gets the job done. And here is a picture of the lovely quilt for Phyllis' granddaughter.

Christmas Time, Again

Curious that I seem to post around Christmas. Maybe it is a more introspective time. I don't know.

I am writing from Ocracoke Island, NC. Two years and three months, minus one day, we bought a house here. It is a sweet little cottage on the edge of a marsh on a fairly busy road but still relatively private due to the trees in our tiny front yard. It has been my dream for many years to live here and now that I am retired (5 months and 26 days) I can spend more time here. If my family lived here too, I'd probably never go back to Thomasville. (Except that Thomasville is much closer to the Ikea store.....)

So today is the annual Oyster Roast on Ocracoke Island, a fundraiser for the Working Waterman's Association. The parking lot at the fish house is cleared out, tables set up and people crowd in to eat their fill of fish stew, steamed shrimp and oysters. And today is lovely weather, blue skies, no wind and the temperature in the low 50's.

After we eat our fill of stew, shrimp and oysters, Neal and I will stroll over to the Community Square where dessert and hot cider is being served in the Waterman's Exhibit building. They usually have a little fire going in the stove and it's wonderful to soak in the warmth along with the warmth of community and friendship. Pictures later!

Ok, so it's later...here are pictures of the Oyster Roast followed by hot cider and dessert.

Seven Months and Sixteen Days

Seven months and sixteen days...that is how long it has been since my mother's death. I still want to pick up the phone and call her about the silliest things that I have heard on the news. I still think how much she would like to travel here or there when I hear about a place I know she would like. But mostly I just want to hug her.

When I think of my mom it is with a very real tactile sensation. At first she wasn't much of a hugger but I was. As a child and young person I would hang on her so I guess she eventually got used to it. As an adult she was very much of a huggy person and whenever I left her it was never without a hug. And when I hugged her I tried to memorize how she felt, as if I were trying to imprint her shape onto my own. And that is what I think of when I think of her; a physical remembrance of how she felt.

My therapist said that it takes a year before it doesn't hurt so much and with time the hurt is not so keen or so shocking. But the other night I heard our dog barking and my first thought was that it was mom's dog and then quickly the realization that my mother was gone. And the realization that the wound, though healing, is still terribly raw.

And So On

I know I am a terrible blogger. It's a good thing I'm not trying to cultivate followers b/c I'd never have any. No one would wait a year between posts.

My life has been full of struggles over the last few years but I think I have turned a corner. I feel hopeful somehow and like I am climbing back up from this pit.

My mother has passed away and this has been one of the saddest events of my life so far. I miss her so much. When I think about her, I always think of how she felt when I hugged her. She was soft and squeezable and it is that physical, tactile feel that I have when I think of her.

Can I say how glad I am that I had her for my nearly 60 years? I am grateful for the time I spent with her and grateful for the trips we took together. I have satisfaction knowing that I made some of her wishes come true.

So I have been working through my grief . I have gone through the shock (although there are times I still can't believe she is gone), anger, sadness, etc. and now I think I am moving into the acceptance part. I have just been so sad for so long and now I feel that lifting.

And good things are happening. Anne is graduating on May 11. She has struggled and her victory encourages me. Sarah is graduating on May 11 as well and moving to Greensboro. Rachel seems to be getting along well after a difficult period of time. Neal is Neal. But that is ok.

I like where I work and am thankful for the job and even though it is very stressful right now I feel as if I have risen above it. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and I just hope it isn't a train.

A New Year, Again

Since my post last fall I have had shoulder surgery for tears in my rotator cuff and bicep tendons and also to remove bone spurs.

I always thought of bone spurs as something that looked like a spur but when I saw the pictures of my surgery, I realized it is a term for nothing more than extra bone where it shouldn't be. So, I am recovering from the surgery and I am at the end of week 3 from 4 weeks off from work.

I can't drive yet and I can't lift my arm, which means I can't do much of anything other than read, be on the computer or watch tv. If I go out anywhere I have to wear my sling to keep me from accidentally trying to use my arm.

I go back to the doctor next Friday, Feb. 3. I am scheduled to return to work on the 6th, so I hope he tells me it's ok to drive. Otherwise someone will have to come pick me up each day.

So, I guess I will go indulge in my favorite past-time...taking a hot bath. Also one of the few things I am allowed to do and since I have a lovely new bathroom in which to bathe, it is a true pleasure.

Can I Come Back?

Can I come back to posting on this blog, that is. I started out with good intentions and fizzled out badly. Or pretty well, depending on how you look at it.

In this last year, both of my in-laws have passed away, Neal started a new job, Sarah had a terrible wreck and was in the hospital for 2 1/2 weeks, Rachel was in the hospital and Neal had surgery for a blocked carotid artery and then had a mild stroke when the artery became blocked.

So, it's been quite a year.

Now I'm back at work and my class is quite a challenge. Out of my 14 current students, 7 seem to have never had to follow a rule. Ever. But, we are seeing improvements.

Sarah has gone to Atlanta to go to grad school at Georgia State University and Anne has moved over to Mocksville. Tonight they were both here and I joined them for dinner at Elizabeth's Pizza. It was nice to spend some time with them.

I went to the orthopedic doctor today b/c I am having problems with my shoulders, so I am scheduled for an MRI next week.

That's about it for now. I think I'll go to bed. And maybe write again. Sometime.

Time Flies

Time just doesn't fly when you are having fun, it just flies. Now it is December, 17 days away from Christmas.

I have no decorations up, no tree up, nothing to indicate it is nearly Christmas except the wrapped gifts on the buffet in the dining room.

I have been busy at work, busy at home, just busy. Although I did get to go shopping at Ikea on Saturday which is like heaven for me. I love being there. I think I'd just like to move in, kind of like that movie where Natalie Portman's character lived in Walmart.

Sarah's bathroom, the project I started in July, is still not finished. Once I get home from work it seems impossible to complete much of anything. For one thing, when I get home from work I usually have more work to do.

Quick update on events: on July 23, on the way to David's and Melissa's house, I rear ended a car on I95 outside of Baltimore and totaled my dear little Subaru. So, no more Rufusmobile...after 230,000 + miles and 12 1/2 years. No one was hurt....I have to keep telling myself that that is the important part.

So, I was car-less until mid September, after Neal got a job. Now I have a Toyota Highlander. I love it, in theory, but I still pine for my Subaru.

On Sept. 29, on her way to school during a horrid rainstorm, Sarah hydroplaned and ran off of I85. She went down an embankment and wrapped around a tree. She broke her left femur and had other minor and not so minor fractures. More about the accident later, but the good news with that is that two months later, she was walking again without even a cane and hardly a limp.

We have had a lot to be thankful for this holiday season.